Rebellion

I've never been a rebel. Even a little bit. I mean, okay I do go like, 6 over the speed limit. And I do put on my makeup when I drive. And I do sometimes text and drive...

Okay so scratch the I've never been a rebel. I'm totally a rebellious driver, I'm just not rebellious in life. But right this minute I'm as bad as any angst-filled teen ever was because I cannot even begin to express how much work I need to do and I just am NOT. DOING. IT. (right now.) It is hanging over my head like a dark cloud and I'm just dreading it and mad that I have to do it in the first place so I'm just choosing to procrastinate a little more. So THERE. (I am doing my job...but we have to "bill" or do a data entry into this online program for EVERY service for EVERY child we see. That means I have to enter EVERYTHING I have written in my therapy logs for every child. For this year so far. By Monday. Ughhh Even typing it leaves a bad taste in my mouth...)

So I was also rebellious this weekend. (Okay. Maybe the opening sentence should be tweaked...) Not really rebellious. It came from a good place. Here's what happened:

I was raised in a very conservative Christian, yet not necessarily doctrinal home. I mean, we believe that Jesus is the son of God and that the bible is the word of God and that HE is THE only way to heaven or to the Father. But as far as denominational doctrines go we aren't really bound by any because our church is non-denominational. Does that even make sense? At any rate if there is one thing that my parents were MORE conservative or even dogmatic about it was Halloween. WE. DO. NOT. CELEBRATE. HALLOWEEN. At all. We don't trick or treat, we don't dress up...we barely even say the word. Because the Bible tells us to abstain from even the "appearance of evil" and a complete day dedicated to fear could not be anymore blasphemous to me. Nothing could shun the glory of God any more. So we have a "Halloween alternative" at our church. We call it Fall Festival. There's candy and hayrides and carnival-type games but nothing scary or "Halloween-y." (We don't even bob for apples because my grandmother read somewhere that bobbing for apples was a pagan practice. True Story.)

Okay so the big debate is To Dress Up or Not To Dress Up? We don't turn people away for having costumes as long as they're not "scary" but we don't advertise that you SHOULD wear a costume. So everyone's been asking what Abby would be for Halloween /Fall Festival. Well, my take is that if you dress up you might as well go trick or treating and do the whole thing because you're totally participating in the "traditional holiday" festivities. BUT I knew there would be several people at church who DID dress their children up and I was so afraid for them to ask me "Why isn't Abby dressed up?" Because the LAST thing I want is to condemn other people who don't share the same views or convictions as me and say "Well, I believe if you dress up you're participating...." You see? So I thought and prayed long and hard about it. And I think it's better to give grace even when others don't know you're giving it. So I let Abby dress up. I mean, she already had the ruby slippers...so my gorgeous girl was Dorothy. (I'll post a picture soon, I promise.)

I think this will be her last year dressing up (although there is talk of a BIBLICAL costume contest next year...but that's another ball of wax in itself...) because the internal war is so much harder than just letting her wear a cute shirt and jeans...which she would probably prefer so she can get as filthy as possible. But for this year Mommy was a rebel....but the good kind. Because I did it hoping other people would feel more comfortable. And loved and included. And I think the Lord would approve of that. Because that's the REAL me. Behind the mask.