Best Intentions

So I'm the world's worst procrastinator. No seriously. THE worst. I can prove it.





Well let me back up and say I'm the world's worst procrastinator with THE BEST intentions. The perfect example is Christmas Cards. I cannot tell you the hundreds of dollars I have wasted in Christmas cards. I will get nauseous if I think about it too much. But every year I will have these ideas of grandeur, go as far as having the dern things MADE and printed, STUFFED IN THE ENVELOPES and ADDRESSED for crying out loud...and somehow never getting around to sending them. I said I have proof. (Don't tell James.) I have HALF of the Christmas cards from LAST YEAR in my car. Still unsent. Lord forgive me.





I ordered our Christmas cards for THIS year today. They are already ready to be picked up. I vow to do my very best to get them to their rightful owners (by Christmas!!!) and not sit sad and lonely in the pocket behind my driver's seat this year. But just in case....

Merry Christmas from the Cooks!!

Snapshot

I absolutely love this tme of year. I love how even if it's just for this month, everyone seems to be on the same page. People decorate their homes and really take pride in it, people seem to smile and be more friendly to strangers and, I don't know, just seem to enjoy each other more. I am one of those people who truly doesn't take for granted the blessings I've been given and have recently tried to soak in and just be in the moment. Lindsay told me her sister-in-law has decided when her daughter makes a mess or gets into something she shouldn't to embrace the moment instead of being upset and grab the camera. So that's what I've been trying to do. Take little snapshots of what's happening around me so I can remember the mundane and the spectacular.

This week's snapshots:

Mundane= a visit to the hospital
Spectacular= sitting with my friend and praying with her in one accord for a good report (we did, in fact receive a good report. Lindsay's dad underwent Quadruple Bypass surgery last Friday and came home yesterday. Praise the Lord. We are believing for an uneventful recovery and miraculous results.)

Mundane= walking across the street to MeMa Nancy's house
Spectacular= the smells of Christmas there and watching her dote on my baby--a full circle moment since I'm quite sure she used to call me "baby doll" and dote on me as well

Mundane= cooking dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, the unending circle of daily life
Spectacular= Looking at my husband, fire crackling in the background, loving this life we've bulit.

I've heard the expression "God is in the details" and he really is. I really believe if I will slow down long enough he'll reveal himself to me (even more) by showing me how intricately he loves me. How painstaking he is to show me comfort and joy.

In this season of overindulgence and too much "stuff" Lord, don't let me miss your glory. Thank you Lord for simple blessings--because they are the ones that are truly extravagant.

It's (almost) the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Alright. I'm over fall. I'm ready for Christmas. My mums died about 2 weeks ago and my cute pot-sticker scarecrow has fallen out of said-dead-mums about 37 times (in the Noreaster that almost made me go get one of those sunlight lamps so I wouldn't sink into a black hole inside my house). So I'm ready for Christmas music (which I usually start listening to around Halloween so I'm waaay behind by my own standards), apple cider and finding glitter in very strage places around my house.

My mom, aunts Pam and Tricia, Mema Nancy and I all went on our annual shopping trip this past weekend. (Crystal couldn't come and it totally wasn't the same without her but we still had a blast...) We left at 8 in the morning on Friday and pulled back in the driveway at 11:10pm Saturday night. We allowed about 7 hours for sleep somewhere in the middle and showed no mercy on any sale we could find. We went to Crabtree Valley Mall in Raleigh, this cute little shopping center called Briar Creek Commons (or something like that) and then Cary Towne Center and finally CLOSED DOWN Target. We. Don't. Play. I got 10 people's gifts completely finished. Done. I feel like superwoman!

So anyway, I had planned on putting my tree up BEFORE we left (Don't judge me. Mema Nancy had hers up 2 weeks ago...) but it just didn't happen. I wanted to do it while I was off on Veteran's day but all I got done was pulling all the decorations down from the attic. Bummer. Every night since then I've planned on getting SOMETHING decorated but it just hasn't happened. I'm determined that glitter will fall tonight...even if it's just unrolling the garland or soemthing arbitrary like that. (Not that garland is arbitrary but it doesn't exactly equal the tree or the village in splendor, now does it?)

To some I may be rushing the season but I'm in the spirit already and am definitely ready to replace leaves rustling with sleigh bells.

**side note: Mom and Dad tried to teach Abby to sing Jingle Bells yesterday. Last night she was walking around the house singing "Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell, Tinker awww da way...." Yep. It's official. Cutest. Kid. Ever.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Abigail,

It's a little after 11:00pm and the house is a wreck. We had about 40 of our family and closest friends over at our house to celebrate your 2nd birthday. You birthday was actually Friday but we decided to make a weekend of it and celebrate your big day on Sunday so everyone could come. You were an angel. You wore a shirt (that was a 2T and WAAAY too big) that said "Birthday Princess" and that's exactly what you were. We had a ladybug birthday cake from your GiGi (Mommy's Mema Nancy) and biiiigg princess balloons and lots of chips and dip because they're your favorites. You opened presents for almost an hour and squealed as loud for clothes and books as you did for big, loud toys. You are such a good girl.

The past 2 years have been the absolute best of my life. And that's really saying something because I didn't think ANYTHING could be better than marrying your Daddy! You have completely surpassed any expectation I ever had of being a Mommy. I always wanted a daughter....I just never knew I wanted her to be YOU. I loved you from the moment I found out you were on the way. I loved you when you were born and the first time I laid my eyes on you I knew I had never loved anything more. Then we brought you home. And I started falling in love with you over and over every day. I love you because you are mine...but I also love you because you are YOU.

Just so time doesn't get away from us and make us forget, let me tell you a little bit about you.
You are very petite (like your Daddy's family) and even though you are officially 24 months old you still wear 18 month clothes. You wear a size 6 shoe and have THE cutest toes (and you know I don't like feet...) You like Ladybugs and anything with the Disney Princesses on it (especially Belle) and your all-time-favorite-show is this crazy one called Yo Gabba Gabba (which Mommy and Daddy tolerate only because you are completely enthralled). You are becoming more of a picky eater but we can almost always get you to eat chicken, french fries and macaroni and cheese. Your faaaavorite foods are corn and, believe it or not, PICKLES!!! Seriously, you eat Mt. Olive hamburger dill chips like they're going out of style! You also love cheetos and are a professional Oreo-cream-scraper-outter. You wear size 4 diapers and are 25 pounds. You normally go to bed around 9 or 9:30 and Mommy and Daddy both tuck you in and read a bible story, say our prayers then get a "butterfly kiss, eskimo kiss and a big ole' kiss." You can say anything you want and are speaking in full, complete sentences. You crack us up all the time. You are a very good girl but have been getting in trouble lately for telling mommy and daddy "Stop it" or "No" when we tell you to do something you don't want to do. You have even put yourself in time out (which makes us laugh but we don't let you see.) You also have the sweetest spirit and have started praying for us without us asking you to. I couldn't love you any more.

You have brought more joy into my life than I thought I would know and I thank the Lord everyday for allowing me this life. I am so humbled at the opportunity to be your mom. I pray I prove to be worthy of such an awesome blessing.

Be well this year my angel and know that your Mom absolutely adores you.
Love,
Mommy

Rebellion

I've never been a rebel. Even a little bit. I mean, okay I do go like, 6 over the speed limit. And I do put on my makeup when I drive. And I do sometimes text and drive...

Okay so scratch the I've never been a rebel. I'm totally a rebellious driver, I'm just not rebellious in life. But right this minute I'm as bad as any angst-filled teen ever was because I cannot even begin to express how much work I need to do and I just am NOT. DOING. IT. (right now.) It is hanging over my head like a dark cloud and I'm just dreading it and mad that I have to do it in the first place so I'm just choosing to procrastinate a little more. So THERE. (I am doing my job...but we have to "bill" or do a data entry into this online program for EVERY service for EVERY child we see. That means I have to enter EVERYTHING I have written in my therapy logs for every child. For this year so far. By Monday. Ughhh Even typing it leaves a bad taste in my mouth...)

So I was also rebellious this weekend. (Okay. Maybe the opening sentence should be tweaked...) Not really rebellious. It came from a good place. Here's what happened:

I was raised in a very conservative Christian, yet not necessarily doctrinal home. I mean, we believe that Jesus is the son of God and that the bible is the word of God and that HE is THE only way to heaven or to the Father. But as far as denominational doctrines go we aren't really bound by any because our church is non-denominational. Does that even make sense? At any rate if there is one thing that my parents were MORE conservative or even dogmatic about it was Halloween. WE. DO. NOT. CELEBRATE. HALLOWEEN. At all. We don't trick or treat, we don't dress up...we barely even say the word. Because the Bible tells us to abstain from even the "appearance of evil" and a complete day dedicated to fear could not be anymore blasphemous to me. Nothing could shun the glory of God any more. So we have a "Halloween alternative" at our church. We call it Fall Festival. There's candy and hayrides and carnival-type games but nothing scary or "Halloween-y." (We don't even bob for apples because my grandmother read somewhere that bobbing for apples was a pagan practice. True Story.)

Okay so the big debate is To Dress Up or Not To Dress Up? We don't turn people away for having costumes as long as they're not "scary" but we don't advertise that you SHOULD wear a costume. So everyone's been asking what Abby would be for Halloween /Fall Festival. Well, my take is that if you dress up you might as well go trick or treating and do the whole thing because you're totally participating in the "traditional holiday" festivities. BUT I knew there would be several people at church who DID dress their children up and I was so afraid for them to ask me "Why isn't Abby dressed up?" Because the LAST thing I want is to condemn other people who don't share the same views or convictions as me and say "Well, I believe if you dress up you're participating...." You see? So I thought and prayed long and hard about it. And I think it's better to give grace even when others don't know you're giving it. So I let Abby dress up. I mean, she already had the ruby slippers...so my gorgeous girl was Dorothy. (I'll post a picture soon, I promise.)

I think this will be her last year dressing up (although there is talk of a BIBLICAL costume contest next year...but that's another ball of wax in itself...) because the internal war is so much harder than just letting her wear a cute shirt and jeans...which she would probably prefer so she can get as filthy as possible. But for this year Mommy was a rebel....but the good kind. Because I did it hoping other people would feel more comfortable. And loved and included. And I think the Lord would approve of that. Because that's the REAL me. Behind the mask.

Fa la la la FALL

Oh how I love this time of year. I have been looking forward to it since, well, last year about this time. I just love how when you're just totally sick of summer there will be this one cool night towards the end of September that will remind you that fall really is coming again. We are into the cool-ish days and definitely cool nights and I. LOVE. IT. I love jeans and boots and hoodie sweatshirts and decorating my house with pretty mums and pumpkins. I love the pumpkin dip I can't get enough of and just that "crisp" feeling in the air. Weird, I know.

I am totally a Christmas junkie and the thought of decorating my house for Christmas makes me so happy...but for now, I'm going to pretend like Christmas isn't sneaking up on us waiting to take all the glory for this wonderful feeling I have. Because somewhere in the world someone just ordered a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks...and I swear the angels sang. Maybe just a little....

Happy Fall Y'All!

Ummm..yeah

So here's the thing. I love to blog. No, seriously. I really do. In fact, almost every day of the last couple of weeks I've thought about "hopping on here" and saying something...ANYTHING. But then I start to freak a little and think that there's really nothing to say. I mean, nothing anyone would care to read anyway. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who remembers that I used to write here so I'm going to have to remind everybody to come look for me every so often. Aaaaand now I'm depressed.

See what I mean? I feel defeated even before I try. Story of my life. I HATE that I feel that way about myself. I mean, seriously, I can cheer on ANYBODY but when it comes to ME I so often have a "Why bother" attitude. WHY? Ughh...self searching. And as I always say..."That's awholenother Oprah show! (yeah, that doesn't sound right if you say it all stuffy and...well, correct. If you say "That's another whole Oprah show" it sounds too fussy. Saying "That's another Oprah Show doesn't quite grasp the importance or depth of the situation. A-whole-nother fits just right...don't ya think?)

So last weekend was just about perfect. Busy but sooooo fun. We had our 10 year class reunion!! We have been planning since MAY. We worked really hard, but lemme tell ya.....that was some fun work. I swear every time the committee got together I laughed until I cried. No joke.
It was: me,
Lindsay (my bestie),
Brooke (my old bestie who is back again...soo happy!),
Amy Autry Jackson (who sat beside be on every single stinkin Marching Band bus e-v-e-r for 4 years and was my band partner-in-crime),
Matt Raymes (known him since BIRTH...no joke),
Jeremy Autry (who was the hottie in high school. Still is. I like him so much more now than I did then...I think 'cause I was completely intimidated by him...),
Jessica Peterson Teague(homeroom/band buddy)
and Brian Fulcher (wild, crazy party boy. And that's just now...he was a professional back in high school...)
So fun. Anyway, we weren't quite sure how it all would go but honestly it went so so great. So much better than I thought. We went to the homecoming game Friday night, played at a park for a small cookout with everybody's kids on Saturday morning and then the dinner on Saturday night wehre we had about 60 people to come. Maybe 35 or 40 of those were alumni. It's such a trip to see people after all these years. Some people looked exactly the same. Some people looked a lot better (helllloooo new boobs!). Some people I had totally forgotten about but am so happy to have reconnected with. James even had a blast. In fact, at one point, Mr. Southview himself said, "Gosh, I wish I had gone to Cape Fear!" That's right, baby. Welcome to God's country.... (pictures to come soon. I hope.)

Also in the past few weeks we have hung out with a big group of friends that I have come to love so dearly. It's us and 3 other couples (4 if you count Kramer and Crystal) and we just have the best time together. So thankful for all of them and for the Lord giving us an outlet through them. They are all friends from church but are also "real people" who we can be our regular not-always-Sunday-morning-best-selves with. I hate even saying that because who we are on Sunday mornings IS who we are...but you know what I mean. People we can let down with and who don't expect us to have it all together all the time. People we're allowed to be real with and love the Lord together. It's very nice. We are all anxiously awaiting Baby Wellons to come (any day now!!!) so that we will FINALLY know whether to buy everything pink and monogrammed or everything red, black and cammo. :)

So...ummm..yeah. That's all for now. I realize it's a lot of nothing...but I guess even just contentedness is something to talk about. :)

p.s. I can't even talk about the fact that my baby will be 2 in a few weeks. Nope. Not even gonna mention it. Sniff.

Catch-up

One of my favorite movies is You've Got Mail. Love it. There's this one part where Kate (Meg Ryan) is writing an email to her mystery pen-pal (Tom Hanks) and it says "I like to start my letters to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation...." Or something like that. That's how I'm going to start this post. As if there hasn't been a 2 month lapse in my blogging. As if this hasn't been a whirl-wind of a life lately.

So we moved into our house July 3. Finally. Thank God. We are somewhat settled. There are still blank walls and empty nooks where pictures and furniture will one day be but we are home. I think we will be very happy on Bent Grass Drive. And even if we're not we're not moving again. I'll torch everything first. Okay I shouldn't say that. Let's just say we don't want to move for a long long long time.

My sweet baby girl is not a baby anymore. She can count to 10 and (pretty much) say her ABC's at 21 months old. I am more in love with her than I ever thought I would be. She just leaves me breathless. Truly.

We are planning our 10 year reunion. We are grown ups now. Weird.

James has started a new career. As of September 1 he will be an Insurance Agent for Farm Bureau Insurance. He is excited and is already doing great. He is unbelievable. I don't think he knows how to fail. I am very blessed.

This summer has held many hospital visits, some happy (Welcome sweet Baby Kanen!) some scary/tiring (Mema Nancy AND Papa Landon spent about 3 weeks in the hospital each. yikes.) It has held many laughs and of course some tears (I mean, c'mon, it's still me here) but mostly blessings.

The thing I want to write so badly about are the precious girls from Stella's house in Moldova that we had the opportunity to spend the weekend with last weekend but I have neither the time nor the strength to get into it right now. More soon, I promise.

Hope everyone had a great summer. Sad to see it go. Back to work this week. ughhh. But I'm back at Laurel Hill and working with my sweet Cindy, so how bad can it be?

Okay. I think I remember how to do this now.... be back soon.

Regardless....

I haven't forgotten I have a blog. I swear. And pleading busy-ness just won't cut it. So suffice it to say I have really missed being here and I'm back now.

We are counting down the days and hours until we can move into our new house. We are supposed to close June 30 (4 days from now!!!!). When we sign the dotted line I'm quite certain there will be a collective sigh of relief in the heavenlies. I'm sure God is sick of hearing about this house situation. Since the day we put our condo on the market it seems as if it's been one obstacle after another. From low-ball appraisals, moved closing dates, a seemingly never ending parade of "not the one" houses, etc. we have been more than sick of this. James has said about a thousand times that this has been the most horrible experience of his adult life. And I concur. (right, Meliss?)

So even today, 4 days out, we are still getting (bad) news and having minor setbacks that make me so mad I won't even go into it here but just know it's really really annoying stuff. James got to the place today (a place we've been several times on this journey) where he said, "Is this a sign? Is this not our house?" To which I immediately said "I DON'T CARE! WE'RE MOVING IN REGARDLESS AND GOD WILL JUST HAVE TO BLESS OUR EFFORTS." And yes, I said it in all caps for sure. I don't know if we can take every tiny situation and think it's a sign or a "wink" from God but we've had both positive and negative ones in this experience so I honestly don't know for sure. But I know that the Lord will bless our faithfulness with our finances and as long as we seek him first, all of the other things will be "added unto us."

While bad news seems like the end of the world, and trust me, we've had a friggin buffet of it lately...it's really not. Because at the end of the day we have each other and our sweet baby girl and the Lord has us engraved on the palm of his hand. He knows right where we are and what we face.

This morning we had to do something very difficult. One of James' closest friends is his high school band director, Jay Bolder, and this morning we had to sing at his wife's funeral. Jay asked James to speak and I was so proud of him. She lost a very hard battle to pancreatic cancer but never lost her faith or the spark that she carried.

Yes, Lord. You know right where we are and whether it's yet another set back or a bad diagnosis or even a loved one called home, we will serve you....Regardless.

Saved By The Bell Reunion Update 3 (6/8/09)

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Down to the wire

Official School Countdown:
5 days!!!


Official House Countdown:
25 days!!!

...but who's counting?

(Insert Happy Dance HERE!)

Needing it!

My sweet, secret best friend, Beth Moore gave us an acrostic to help us choose and memorize our scriptures for the Memory Verse challenge. It is to RENEW our mind.

R- Read it! (over and over and over until the words start to come from memory)

E-Examine it! (look for ways that make it easier to memorize.)

N-Need it! (This is the biggie. If you don't NEED a verse you're less likely to memorize it.)

E-Echo it! (Say it over and over and over)

W-Wield it! (Use it as the weapon that it is against the fiery darts of the enemy!)

So my verse for this time is one that I NEED!!!

I am so sarcastic. It's bad. Sometimes it's funny but other times it is just mean. And honest to goodness most of the time I don't mean to be mean! It usually comes out before I can put a filter or a hand over my mouth. It's usually just in time to insert my FOOT in my mouth or get a sideways look from James or my Mom that plainly says "I CANNOT believe you just said that!!" Sometimes I can't for the life of me figure out why they think what I said was mean and not funny, which is almost 100% of the time how I mean for it to be interpreted. But more than once, okay, a lot of the time, I end up saying something pretty harsh or making someone feel stupid. Which is NOT what I want to do. I really want to build others up. Especially with that whole "golden rule" concept looming over us and coupling with my own insecurites. I've seen that shirt that says "Sarcasm: Just one of the services I offer"...which is funny and definitely true of me. But I don't want it to be. Now, keep in mind, I don't want to change my personality. I just want to be able to filter my words and as my sweet friend/boss Cindy says all the time "season my words with salt." So I found this verse and am committing it to memory and to my heart as a reminder of what the Lord has commanded us to do. I looked it up in several translations and liked The Message best (I LOOOVE the Message bible. Some people have different opinions about it but I do believe even though it's an "interpretation" and not an exact word for word "translation" that it IS the Word of God. That's just my two cents.)

So here it is:
1 Peter 3:9 MSG
"Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless- that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing. "

I'm stopping there but I also love the rest of the passage (to verse 12). It is:
"Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, Here's what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you're worth. God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he's asked; But he turns his back on those who do evil things. "

So here we go, Lord. Help me to remember this verse and call it up when I want to throw a "zinger."

But Lord, please, let me be funny sometimes! =)

Happy Anniversary!

Four years ago today I married the man of my dreams.

Seriously.

James was the first boy I ever had a crush on. He still is.

I love you so much honey. Can't wait for the next 100 years!

Happy Anniversary!

A picture from our first anniversary (we bought each other the same card. How cute are we?)

Easter 2009

Quoteable Quotes

I read this quote today from one of the comments on the Living Proof blog. I LOVE it.

It said:

Prayer is asking for rain.
Faith is bringing the umbrella.

LOVE that!

I have about a kazillion quotes in a pretty notebook my mom gave me in HIGH SCHOOL. I have added to it all this time. It's got pressed roses, scribbles, notes, slips of paper sticking out everywhere...it's one of my favorite things and something I can't wait to give to Abigail. Or at least inspire her to do as well. The quote above will be added shortly. And while I have too many to name that are already listed there, one of my favorites is:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "

And just because I can't be that serious all the time, a close second is:

"Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!"

Makes me smile every single time.

AbbyDangerous

I cannot cannot cannot believe how quickly time flies. I remember as a kid thinking that it was FOREVER until Christmas came and the months of summer vacation seemed endless. Even the idea of an entire school year seemed insurmountable. Yet here we are at the close of another year, MY SIXTH YEAR (holy cow), and it feels like it just began. I guess time has always gone by quickly. I mean, High School seemed like a blur and we are now in the throes of planning our ten year reunion (yikes.) But I think once you have a baby time goes by in like, warp speed.

My sweet baby girl has hit a growth spurt. She has nine teeth (and is working on a few more judging from the fist-eating going on) and is suddenly Miss Independent. Her favorite word is "No!" and has recently learned "Mine!" much to the chagrin of anyone who would dare try and remove something from her super-human death grip. I have prayed for her to be bold and strong but never imagined I'd have a full-fledged daredevil on my hands! She is so not afraid of ANYTHING! We took her to the park beside Mema Sue and Papa Buster's house last week and she went down the little baby slide BY HERSELF. So Daddy decided maybe she'd like to try the BIG slide. I was very nervous but here comes my sweet baby girl barreling down that tube grinning to beat the band. She did it two or three times alone, once with Daddy, once with Mommy laughing the whole time. Tuesday night when Mommy felt the WORST...fever and all...Daddy and MeMa took her back to the big girl slide. When asked if she wanted to try it herself, Abby's Daddy let her climb up those big steps and get to the top just knowing she'd sit down on that cute little hiney and barrel down. Not AbbyDangerous. No sirree. She threw her hands down and came down that slide HEAD FIRST!!! Those big eyes got a little bigger I think but she did it!

We spent some time this weekend at my Mom and Dad's and the P-O-O-L (which was fffffrrrrreeezzzing). Abby was a little timid on Saturday content to sit on the first step and splash away. By yesterday afternoon she was swimming all around and her favorite game was to be held by her fingers and "dropped" in the pool to about chest level and quickly raised back up again. Laughing the whole time.

Yeah, time totally goes by too fast. Where is my precious sleeping baby girl? Where are those newborn cries? Oh how I miss holding that bundled baby with the peach fuzz hair against my face. But I wouldn't trade one second of my AbbyDangerous seeing her grow and learn new things every day. Being fearless and brave. And hearing her say "Whe Mama?" with those chubby hands raised? Or hearing "Bye Bye Mama. I dooo." Oh, how I love you too, baby girl. My sweet Abby. Dangerous or no.

The Battle

On January 1st I joined a group on Beth Moore's blog called the "Siesta Scripture Memory Team" (or something close to that anyway). It's a group of women (and maybe a couple husbands thrown in there) who committed to learn one scripture every 2 weeks, on the 1st and the 15th of every month, for the entire year. One verse in 2 weeks??? Piece-a-cake!! Ummm...not so much. It is HARD. And I have a crazy good memory for stuff like this. I can barely remember people's names but song lyrics and movie lines and things like that just come naturally to me. So I thought this little challenge would be quite easy.

Well it's not. And it's because of The Battle. The battle that seems to rage in me ALL of the time. The battle between what I WANT to do and what I KNOW I SHOULD do. It sometimes is a no brainer: read or give Abby a bath? Sometimes it's a hard choice: dessert or no dessert? Sometimes it's begrudging a choice already made for me: go to work or stay in bed ( REALLY hate that one). But with this memory challenge it's more like "Memorize scripture or do the other trillion things on my plate today?" And since I'm a world-class-procrastinator I am ALWAYS waiting until say the 29th and then the 13th to START memorizing my verse. I usually can do it, amazingly enough, but it totally defeats the purpose. The idea of this challenge was to have the word "living and active" in me. And it is. But I don't want it halfway. I want to know my verse by day 3 and then be able to walk it and live it and have it in my heart NOT just in my head by the time to choose a new one. I didn't memorize my verse from the 1st of this month AND I PURPOSELY PICKED AN EASY ONE!!!!! So today I chose a new one and am resigning to learn both of them in two weeks.

I know I'm not alone in my battle. I know every woman on the planet suffers with learning the balancing act of being wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, WOMAN. Add in there "Servant of the Most High God" and you've got yourself some insane responsibilities. But they're ones that I love and shoulder with gratitude and hopefully grace. (I also have an UNBELIEVABLE accountability partner who offers me support and grace and whom I know this does not come easy for either. Love you so much, Meliss!)

Yes, I am fighting this battle, but I already know that I am "more than a conqueror" through Christ Jesus. And his word IS living and active in me. Even if it's working its way down from my head to my heart.

My TWO verses to learn this time are:
1. (May 1) :
Romans 8:32 NLT
Since he did not spare even his own son but gave him up for us all, won't he also give us everything else?

2. May 15:
Psalm 73:25-26 NIV
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Bummer

The next two months are absolutely insane for us. Between birthdays (Happy Birthday to Crystal today!!!), Mother's Day, anniversaries (four years baby!), school ending and all that that entails, I had found a small little nook of time on Wednesday June 3 to fulfill a childhood dream. Accompanying me were to be 7 other girls who, with me, would scream their heads off and sing along to the songs of our youth and be reminded that first loves never die. That's right. I was going to the New Kids On The Block concert. The NKOTB. In other words, my one-time-true-love Jordan Knight and his friends. But alas, yesterday I received disheartening news by the cold, unrelenting radio when they announced the concert in Raleigh was CANCELLED!!!! Oh the humanity! They only cancelled 3 or 4 shows of their summer tour and OF COURSE ours was one of them. Such a bummer. I'm still holding on to hope that they will reschedule and come back to see us. That my neon and stone-washed denim days can be relived and I can be reminded that I do, in fact, have "The Right Stuff." Until then, I'll be "Hangin' Tough".... And I'm so corny I can barely stand myself right now. HA!

Come on girls, you know you loved them too. What was your favorite song? Did anybody have the comforter set? Do any of you STILL have your doll? 'Fess up!!!!

Mother's Day

I never need a day to celebrate my Mom. We have always been super close. I'm both a "daddy's girl" AND a "Momma's Girl." Thank the Lord I've never had to choose one way over the other. My mom was 20 when I was born. She laughs and tells people we grew up together. Which we totally did...which means my childhood was wonderful. She started cosmetology school the same day I started Kindergarten. She would take me to school with her and let me color in my Barbie coloring books at a manicure station while she worked. She once used me as a "model" for a test. She spiral-permed my hair that was down TO MY WAIST. It took like, 4 hours but I was a trooper. Loved getting the beauty treatment but more so, I loved the attention! Mom was so girly and loved that I was too. There wasn't a sequin, sparkle or ribbon that was wasted on me. I started doing pageants when I was 3 and loved more than anything when she would do my makeup and tell me I was "doing better than the big girls." They all sputtered and blinked when she'd do their mascara. But not me. I loved every second of it. Even shining my white patent-leather shoes with 409 and a paper towel! Ha! I so loved seeing her beaming in the audience pushing the corners of her mouth up with her fingers reminding me to smile or seeing her mouth every word to my song during talent. A girl's biggest cheerleader for sure.

If she wasn't helping me with some beauty treatment (yellow and pink sponge rollers come to mind...) she was talking about the Lord (to me at 2 years old: "Erica, do you want the Holy Spirit? Do you want Jesus in your heart?") or reading me a Bible story. My favorite was Daniel. She always says that before she could ever get to the end I would interrupt her, grinning from ear to ear, so excited to say "But the Lions did not HURT Daniel!!!" Even then I was in awe of God's grace and provision. A trait I'm most proud of and one that I undoubtedly owe to her.

There are a million stories I could tell about her. Sweet ones, funny ones. Like the time I sprained my ankle and she took me home before we went to the hospital so she could change clothes because she said "you get treated better at the hospital if you look nice." So she came to the car in a **BEDAZZLED** sweater with a gi-normous beaded butterfly on the front and her best Estee Lauder make up on. So hilarious. There are way too many to tell. So although I don't need "Mother's Day" to know how blessed I am it does make me appreciate her in a completely different way now. Because in 20 years or so when I am being celebrated on Mother's Day, I pray that Abigail Mackenzie thinks half of me what I think of my gorgeous, Godly, determined, tender-hearted, loyal, totally wonderful mother. I wanna be like you when I grow up!

I love you Mom. You really are my best friend. Hey gir-fren...Wanna go shoppin'?

My Peeps!

I don't know WHY I didn't stick with my other blog. I seriously did ONE post and walked away. As I confessed in my initial post here I don't even know which blog site I set up that account on. How sad. Anway, I said all that because I just LOVE it here and am enjoying this little experience more than I can say. I think it's sort of a release to just get out what I'm thinking or feeling. That's the ice cream. But the sprinkles on top are the COMMENTS! I clicked on here yesterday to post and got carried away with reading the comments my friends had left for me and ran out of time. To think that you would read these words, that they would somehow resonate with you is just so cool. I'm WAAAY behind on the blog train but let me just say, it's a trip I'm THOROUGHLY enjoying! So thanks for coming with me.




===== And now I'm fuming mad because I can't figure out how to import and embed a stupid picture of SPRINKLES. Stay tuned to see if I figure it out. Ughhhhh.





House update: Meeting with owners tonight. Pray for favor and for Wisdom. We may have finally found it!

Relief

I hate fear. I hate being a scaredy cat. I've always been one. I am terrified of snakes, spiders, anything with more legs than me. ..Anything that slithers or crawls or goes bump in the night. I'm still scared of the dark. I am scared of change. Mostly, though, I am terrified of something happening to someone in my family. I don't think about it a lot because it can be too much and the fear of what could happen gets to be suffocating. I will literally lose my breath and feel a weight on my chest and in my heart. I've woken myself up in the middle of the night sobbing because I was dreaming of a family member's funeral. I've had sweaty palms at the thought of the possibility of a horrible diagnosis for someone I love. So last night when my mom called and said she was taking my dad to the hospital, needless to say I was afraid. Afraid of what they might find. I knew he wasn't dying. He had chest pains with dizziness and nausea and a long history of high blood pressure and heart problems in his family. Being proactive is never a wrong decision so I was glad she was making him go. But as I told the church this morning, fear was the first thing to come over me and all I could think was how much I love him and how much a girl needs her Daddy. I have a wonderful husband. Better than most, in fact. And he is the man in my life in every way. But a girl still needs her Daddy. And I think James understands that now that he has sweet Abigail. One day she'll be married and have her very lucky husband...but her Daddy will want her to still need him as well. And she will.

Because Daddy's blood pressure was so high they decided to keep him overnight and run several tests today. All tests are normal, praise God and they put him on blood pressure medication (which he actually should have been on for about 6 months now if you ask me). The thing is I knew in the back of my mind he would be okay. No, I knew it in my heart. But I still let fear take its vise-like grip. Even if it was only for a few moments. And that makes me so mad. Because I know the Great Physician. I know that by His stripes we ARE healed and that Daddy has far too much work to do for the Lord to need Him now. So I am discouraged by my lack of faith. But by this test and I'm sure the ones to come, the Lord is strengthening me and stretching me and reminding me over and over that He is in control. Even when we're scared our Heavenly Father is cradling us, shielding us from the world's harms. And THAT is where we can find rest. And relief. And thank you Lord that I, like my Dad, will rest easy tonight knowing that. I love you both with all of my heart. (And you too honey.)

Babies babies everywhere

Okay so Patrice and Miles had their baby yesterday and I found out today that my friend Kimberlee had her baby boy Cohen on April 20. I repeat, I found out TODAY!!! We are going this afternoon with my sister-in-law Crystal for a 3-D ultrasound of their baby boy Kanen (due on July 18). So with all this baby love going around I got to missing MY baby so much. So here's a couple recent pictures of her, mostly to keep me company but I'm sure you'll enjoy them as well. :)

At the Easter Egg Hunt with Mema Lillian. Check. Out. Those. Pigtails.

Easter Sunday at Mema Sue and Papa Buster's in her EBAY Strasburg dress. I love technology. Almost as much as Abby loves finding those eggs.

Smelling a flower with Daddy at MeMa Nancy's house

Precious in an outfit Papa Wesley brought back from California

Apparently easter eggs are like Catnip for toddlers. She's um, REALLY excited. Again, those pigtails.

Already??

It's MAY? Already? It's May. I never remember a year going by so quickly. Life is literally ZOOMING by. I've heard people say so many times that the older you get the faster time goes. I don't consider myself old but can definitely tell I'm getting oldER since I can barely get a grasp on today before it's already over and time to prepare for tomorrow. Does that make sense?

Tomorrow makes One Week that we've been living with Sue and Buster. So far so good. They are so wonderful to open their home to us. And while I do feel comfortable there it's not MY home...What's so great is that they get that. They know we'd RATHER be in our own house and that this one is still very much theirs, but while we're there they want us to know it IS ours. They are so precious. We're making it work!

So one week down and who knows how many to go? We're going tomorrow to look at about 10 houses. I found a few in Haymount (downtown, historic, pretty part of Fayetteville) and a few more in the Eastover Area that we're going to check out. I pray that we either find something we love OR we'll have a better idea of how hard we need to fight for another house we've had sort of "on hold." Either way I so want to walk wisely and for God's will to be done. I know he "knows the plans he has for us" (says Jer. 29:11 thankyouverymuch, Leigh) and he already has our house picked out. I'm just hoping, as I said on Facebook a week or so ago, that his signs tomorrow are as big as a billboard in Times Square.

I'm excited to know where we'll be and put down roots and keep building and growing our family. Whether it's just with we happy Three or if we'll add number four I can't wait to pull in the driveway and be HOME.

Quick P.S. : So thrilled for my lady Patrice and her cute hubby Miles as they welcomed a GORGEOUS daughter to the world yesterday. Aslyn Brea Autry. Can't wait to hear that baby sing....

The Turnaround

Our Women's Bible study group recently completed Beth Moore's study of Esther. I can't go in to how much I adore Beth (my secret best friend... Secret because she's my best friend and doesn't know it) or our women's Bible study because this will be the longest blog ever. So suffice it to say I love them both so much. Amazing women. Truly.

So a recurring theme of Esther is the idea of a turnaround. She calls it the Reversal of Destiny. It happens many times throughout the book but one of them is that Esther is an orphaned Jewish girl who ends up becoming the Queen of Persia. How's THAT for a turnaround? (side note: If you've never read the book of Esther I highly recommend you RUN, don't walk, to read it. It reads like a suspense novel with twists and turns, ironies, parties and ultimately a love story between God and his people. Good stuff. Way to Go God.)

During the last few weeks of our study my precious Leigh Jones sent me a link to this video of a church who had their own idea of a turn around. Okay. Totally Powerful. I've seen it about 5 or 6 times now and I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's amazing. And totally just like God to send it to us at the perfect time. So we decided when we finished Esther we would have a dinner and have our own "turnaround" ceremony. I've been looking so forward to it and last night it finally came. We normally have about 130 women for Bible study so I was slightly disappointed when only about 50 of them showed up. But it didn't matter who wasn't there because let me tell you, the Holy Spirit WAS!

One by one 30 women stood on a platform and bared their hearts, souls, and deepest darkest secrets on a piece of cardboard only to turn it over and show us how God Turned It Around. Some of them were written too small for the entire room to see so I stood at the front and read them aloud for everyone. I was a WRECK. I realize I'm perhaps the WORST person in the world to be chosen for that job as I'm the weepiest person (other than my Melissa) in any room, but let me tell you...no one felt as blessed as I was to have the opportunity to lock eyes with those women and cry with them as I read out their secrets and reveal the blessings God has showered on them. Powerful, I'm telling you.

Some of my favorites were:

"Used to go to church because I felt I had to"
turn around
"Now I go to church because I WANT to"

Abandoned
Unloved
Lonely
turn around
He loves me with an Everlasting Love
He will never leave me nor forsake me

Tried to do everything all on my own
turn around
realized God's hands work just fine

Here was mine:
Content to serve my parent's God
turn around
Loving and Resting in Jesus MY Savior

Here is the link for the original video that gave us the idea. Bring your tissues and thank God for the "turnarounds" in your own life. What has he reversed for you? What are you waiting for him to turn? Remember that he can't "turn the tables" if there is not a table set against you. Thank Him for the storm...and watch Him turn it around.

http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/cardboard-testimonies/

testing testing

Okay so I consider myself somewhat "tech savvy" but I'm wondering if I can do all of this at once! I'm blogging from my blackberry (a sentence my grandparents will never comprehend. In fact my grandpa Ken tells everyone I'm a computer genius. How sweet. )

So I won't do this all the time, mostly because if you don't catch a mistake pretty much as you make it, it's nearly impossible to correct, but I had to know if I could do it. You know, just in case something particularly "bloggy" happens and I have to be able to post it right away.

So testing testing 1 2 3 ... Did it work? Papa, did I let you down?

not quite

so as I went back to view my shiny new profile I noticed my age was slightly altered. It said-

Age: 1927

WHAAT? Not quite. I mean, I'm feeling older every day but this made me totally laugh. At my own stupid self. Turns out if you just put the last two numbers in the year box it figures you meant that literally. So when I put 81 they thought I meant like, 81 A.D. Seriously. Who's stupid now?

Yeah, I know. Still me. (27 year old me)

Confession: This is the second blog I've started. Sometime last year I got all inspired by my precious, creative, artistic, funky cousin Lindsey and started myself a little corner of the blogosphere. Problem is I have NO IDEA which blog site I used, which cute user name I came up with or any password. I remember posting my first post feeling all proud and tech-y. I'm just so much of a spaz that I can't even go and find THAT! So today I embark on this journey. Again.

My timing is, of course, horrible. This has been one of the busiest weeks for us and it is NOT slowing down any time soon. In fact, I will probably get to relax when I get to work on Monday. Seriously. But, what better time than the present chaos to invite my family and friends along for the ride, right?

We (finally) sold our condo and are moving out this weekend. We are, for all intents and purposes, homeless as we have NO CLUE where in Fayetteville we will eventually live. We will be living with James' (wonderful) parents for a (hopefully) short time while we find a house and move in and put down some roots. Don't misunderstand. I have felt "rooted" in every home we've lived in only to be "uprooted" very quickly. We have been married 4 years next month and this is our 4th move in as many years. I'm just ready to be settled and stay put.

I hope you will find this blog cute and fun and witty and timely. But knowing the author we'll just have to wait and see and time will tell... And if it's counting on me, know that it will be about 10 minutes late. Like, every single time.